wake up

What gets me up in the morning? Responsibility. The fear of letting other people down. Just fear in general. Sometimes the promise of coffee. A lot of anxiety. Can’t be late, can’t disappoint the team, can’t be the reason other people have a bad morning. Dependability. Reliability.

But not excitement. I don’t look forward to anything. I don’t wake up hopeful or well rested or fulfilled. I’m an empty tank ready to be emptier. Other people take what they need and I give everything I can. But I’m tired. I don’t open my eyes and expect to have a good day, or expect something good to happen. I just wake up, ready to go through the motions, ready to make myself small enough to skate by but big enough to still make a contribution.

I get out of bed every morning to fulfill the promise I made to my job, my family, my friends. But I don’t get up for me. I never wake up just for me.